NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell wants your brains, players. Particularly the prodigiously capable and massive cranium of Indianapolis Colts quarterback Peyton Manning.
“We feel this is really a deal breaker in the negotiation process for a new collective bargaining agreement with the players union. While we’re certainly interested in the brains of the handful of players who have them, Peyton’s noggin is at the top of the list.”
“No kidding. His head’s like Sputnik. Spherical, but quite pointy in parts.”
Goodell went on to explain that he believed the future of the NFL was in cold, unfeeling, cyborg-like players like Peyton Manning, and that there was no point in going on if they were unable to unlock the secrets hidden away inside his gargantuan skull.
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