University Of Pittsburgh Students Receive Shipment Of Anti-Tank Missles In Time For Home Game Against West Virginia

by john on February 4, 2010

When WVU defeated Pitt on the hardcourt last night, the Mountaineers may have won the battle, but the Panther faithful are determined to win the war.

Forboding comments were made by Pitt Panthers head basketball coach Jamie Dixon that were quoted in a story on ESPN.com:

“We knew they had a rowdy crowd,” Pittsburgh’s Jermaine Dixon said. “But the best part is that we get to play them up at our place in a couple days.”

Why? Because the sports-crazed city will be armed and ready.

Don’t fire until you can see the whites of the eyes of their raccoon-skin caps.

While news outlets discounted reports of sporadic land mining of the Interstate 79 corridor on the Pennsylvania/West Virginia border, the arrival of several truckloads of Javelin anti-tank missles on the University of Pittsburgh campus removed any doubt as to how serious it’s students were about the rivalry.

Said one sophmore Pitt Panthers basketball fan and member of the newly-formed “Yinzer Militia”:

“We’ve had enough of the verbal abuse and quasi-stoning of our coaches at basketball games and were ready to take matters into our own hands. We expect it will be a struggle. Some of these WVU students are real veterans…they’ve been in college for 7 or 8 years.”

Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittenton were not available for comment on rumors they had been enlisted as mercenaries for the upcoming game.