Twitter Nation: Feb. 10

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by Kent on February 10, 2010

As Twitter has quickly become a source many turn to for breaking news in the sports world, we now bring you daily highlights from the world of Twitter. Here are your Wednesday sports tweets from across the Web for your enjoyment. Be sure to vote for the funniest tweet of the day after the jump.

Congratulations to tlestarjette and BittrScrptReadr for yesterday’s funniest tweets.

kikinitwithkiki – still can’t believe Extra is paying Rachel Uchitel to be a “nightlife” correspondent. don’t watch that show & now i never will. #slutsontv

KleShreen - lmao @ Johnny Damon saying Atlanta is a “dream” for him…when he said Detroit was the same thing last week.

M_Woerner – Bill Polian why would you blame the loss on a particular group of players, what an asshole.

JasonSobel - Two weeks after missing the Pro Bowl with an injury, Tom Brady will tee it up at the AT&T. The healing powers of Pebble Beach are amazing.

AT&T Pebble Beach National Pro-Am
“Yes, I’m healthy enough for golf… and skipping like a fairy, but that’s it.”

sportsminute - Lenny Dykstra is selling stock tips. After you buy those, talk to Tiger Woods for some advice on fidelity.

YungDK85 – The two worst ever Athlete/Actors “Chuck” aka Charles Barkley and “LO” Lamar the faker Odom in the same commercial..Taco Bell.

Mookiema – The New Jersey Nets are 4-48. What!? And they are having a ‘Coach for the Day’ contest just like on Eddie! Ok I’m outtie.

More after the jump...

New Orleans Saints Fans Who Lost Everything In Katrina Waiting For Drew Brees To Bring Back Their Shit

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by john on February 10, 2010

Drew Brees. Sean Payton. Reggie Bush. Formerly mere mortals. Now? They’re not only Saints, they’re saints.

See? Really clever, right? I got that from ESPN.

Except New Orleans residents and Hurricane Katrina veterans Anita and Denise Braun don’t think so.

“Everyone’s on the TV talkin’ ’bout redemption. Ok, ESPN people. Where’s our shit? I want back our big screen TV and Mercedes. How’s that for redemption?”

Like many New Orleans residents, the Brauns were dismayed to wake up the day after Saints’ historic Super Bowl victory to find out that they, in fact, still lived in New Orleans. And that it was still a cesspool.

This mass realization may have already reached a crisis point in the French Quarter where Saints fans have already erected a makeshift church to “Breesus Christ.” The church counts the Brauns as worshippers.

The Brauns’ fellow churchgoers are optimistic their fandom will finally pay off at the upcoming victory parade. However, they have a foreboding warning in case it does not.

“Drew, give us our shit. You know what happened to the last brother that promised everyone riches.”

New Orleans Residents Embrace The Holiday Season

Please bring back our Mercedes-Benz CL600. In the name of Drew Brees. Amen.

Twitter Nation: Feb. 9

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by Kent on February 9, 2010

As Twitter has quickly become a source many turn to for breaking news in the sports world, we now bring you daily highlights from the world of Twitter. Here are your Tuesday sports tweets from across the Web for your enjoyment. Be sure to vote for the funniest tweet of the day after the jump.

Congratulations to notsolegato and aimclemson for yesterday’s funniest tweets.

SupermanHotMale – Q. know why Drew Brees has a scar on his chin? A. He got into a fight with Chuck Norris and WON.

all_en1 - Reggie Bush and Lamar Odom will get a show – “The Kardashian Boys.”

rlockman – Hey Jim Rome, did you just knock on Vince Carter’s 48 point game last night? From my middle school self, fu%k you.

jheller74 – If the NFL Network wants Chris Berman, then I am glad I don’t get that network.

tlestarjette - I like Chris Berman for the fact that I think he’s been drunk on ESPN since 1979.

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Exhibit A.

Jonathan_Reed – Good news… Steven Jackson will not be charged for domestic violence.  Bad news… the Rams will still suck next year.

BittrScrptReadr – Best thing about the end of Football season? New edition of the SI Swimsuit issue: http://bit.ly/drboSJ You’re welcome.

More after the jump...

RETRACTED: Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt Breaking Up?

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by john on February 9, 2010

Some time ago, we ran a story about a posting on News Of The World relating to information they had recieved that a breakup of “Brangelina” (Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie) was imminent.

Since then, the rumor had been supposedly debunked, with reputable news outlets such as TMZ and Perez Hilton decrying the story as vicious gossip. I know, what have we come to, right?

Even though we’re a comedy site, we like to base the jokes off of things that are at least potentially true. It’s all funnier that way.

This is why when Brad and Angelina were spotted canoodling at the Super Bowl in Paul Allen’s luxury box, that cinched it for us. Their love is clearly real, and these rumors are slanderous garbage.

Why? We’ve seen “Mr. and Mrs. Smith”, and Angelina and Brad just aren’t that good. Neither have the acting chops to pull of a sham like that.

We’re sorry, Brangelina. Please don’t sue us.

Premiere of Warner Bros. Pictures' & Spyglass Entertainment's "Invictus"

You know, these breakup allegations…they really get our goat.

Axe Actually Works

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by Kent on February 9, 2010

He’s the starting QB for a team might not even be good enough for the defunct NFL Europe, yet the stunning Marisa Miller was all over him.   Matthew Stafford was sure glad he wore his Axe on Super Bowl Sunday.

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Twitter Nation: Feb. 8

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by Kent on February 8, 2010

As Twitter has quickly become a source many turn to for breaking news in the sports world, we now bring you daily highlights from the world of Twitter. Here are your Monday sports tweets from across the Web for your enjoyment. Be sure to vote for the funniest tweet of the day after the jump.

Congratulations to korkedbats for last week’s funniest tweet.

MancowMuller - After the Super Bowl, Reggie Bush said he couldn’t wait to celebrate in The Big Easy. That’s what he nicknamed Kim Kardashian.

notsolegato – Peyton Manning signed a deal today with the TN lottery. he’ll be promoting the new “pick 6″ game.

timbudic – Peyton Manning, LeBron James… why do so many care about post game congratulatory handshakes? It’s pro sports, not book club.

LaraMac – I’d rather see Coco punch Leno in the face. Now that would have been good TV! Letterman/Leno Super Bowl Reunion.

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I’m just happy everyone was wearing pants for the Super Bowl’s funniest commercial

aimclemson – Also, has Erin Andrews asked an original question, ever? Did they just hand her a “book o’ cliches” when they hired her?

EricStangel - #SB44 Highest rating since 1987 episode of Who’s The Boss where Tony is caught in compromising position w/ Tommy Lasorda.

gkketch – The more I watch that Porter interception, the more I wonder WTF Reggie Wayne was doing on that play – from start to finish. Wow.

More after the jump...

Saints Fans Finally Have The Heart To Tell Peyton Manning That His Dad Wasn't Really That Good

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by john on February 8, 2010

Every child needs to have that journey of discovery in their life. The time where they strike out on their own, find new mentors and an independent way in the word. The time where they realize that their parents aren’t the superheroes of their youth. That they are mortal and fallible.

For most of us, that time was college. For Peyton Manning, it was at a South Beach bar after a devastating Super Bowl loss to his father’s old team, the New Orleans Saints.

NFL: Super Bowl XLIV-Prisolec Most Valuable Protectors Award Press ConferenceDo as I say, not as I do.

Joe Orton, a sixty-year-old Saints fan, was the first to approach the distraught Peyton downing Maker’s Mark at the bar.

“The poor guy, your heart just went out to him. I just felt it was time to understand who he was and where he came from. So, I bought him another round and we had a good cry for a while.”

It was at that point that the bartender took out a VHS tape marked “New Orleans’ Greatest Disasters Mixtape ‘10.”

Orton went on:

“So, the bartender puts this tape in the bar player. It’s a video montage of Archie Manning being sacked forty or fifty times, Hurricane Katrina news footage, Reggie Bush scenes from “Keeping Up With The Kardashians”, and various Emeril Lagasse cooking shows. All set to “In The Blood” by Better Than Ezra. Man, that’s some powerful stuff right there.”

Soon, the entire bar was in tears and one by one walked up to Peyton, shook his hand, and gave him a heartfelt hug.

“You know, I think he’s going to turn things around. That crazy guy is going to be ok.”

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